Like me, you may be shocked but not surprised at the joining of the word President to the word Trump this week. Or surprised but not shocked, but either way in the end it seems the new President-elect may have been right – the election was rigged and American democracy is a sham.

It’s okay to say that. After all, The President Of The United States said so. He also approves of me calling you a rat, your wife a pig, and pussy is now fair game for my grabby attention, but look, believe me: he has all your best interests at heart, so trust me, what he says is true, because you’ve seen him for years on prime time television and therefore think he has some innately magical clue of how to represent you to the world.

Some have suggested the new President has shown little indication he knows how to compromise for the greater good. If he fails at that in world affairs, we won’t have to wait for the cider to sour… But personally I believe America has, inexplicably, elected as its representative to the world someone whose overwhelmingly powerful ego (the primary and subsequent driving engines of his life, firing endlessly at maximum capacity without respite for decades) is so within his control that he will be able to now calmly set it aside when things come to international affairs — a thing that things will come to early and often. How that will jibe with America’s interests (interests he has passionately and nationalistically pledged to put above all other counties’ interests, while expressing a longing for nukes) waits to be seen.

That should go well. Surely he can only strengthen diplomatic ties with America’s many trading and defense partners, given the way his personality is perfectly suited for calm, even-keeled communication toward mutual benefit and accord, especially toward people who don’t look like him. Luckily there’s only most of those in the world… for now anyway, am I right? High five. Until then, since their vocabulary dwarfs his own they’ll at least glean his meaning, if not his motives, when he dissolves treaties and breaks long term ties he perceives as not bigly good enough.

Don’t get me wrong though : it’s not all good. One possible obstacle I can foresee is that a few of the world’s First Ladies may resist automatically becoming his biggest fan. If we rightly assume that, like mortal men, rulers and leaders are under the sway of their queen, it’s possible to imagine how this President’s brash, foul, “I’m an alpha, believe me” hyper-aggressive territory-marking machismo could make for disaster in the parlors and dining rooms of world stage. If ever there’s a food fight, he didn’t start it, believe me, but he damn well might finish it.

Another obstacle that comes to mind is the lack of upfront respect he will be granted. Why just tonight, as I tucked my three-year old into bed, she yawned up at me and asked, “Daddy, what happens when Pwesident Twump begins to face the condescension he wiww inevitabwy weceive fwom a gweat many of the peopwe he is about to meet?” How do you answer that question any age? Is Donald J Trump going to uncharacteristically absorb the diplomatic high-hat with good humor for the next year or two, just bite his tongue and take it? Because she’s absolutely right, little whatsername : he is an amateur in an arena of experience. The President can expect some low status feedback from some serious people in the coming future. What will his ego do with his self-professed personal motto, “Get even”?

The world will respect his office, I hope I’m sure; they just might not him as a person. And rightly so – as a newcomer, he’ll have to win them over by proving himself. That will only happen with time. But if I know Donald J Trump, his ego will have no problem cooling its heels while he patiently puts in his obligatory time as New Guy, ‘the kid’, making coffee and learning the ropes of how Earth works. Trust me, he’ll most definitely pay attention during that lengthy ignominious period, as he learns to behave appropriately in culturally and otherwise sensitive situations.

All I’m saying’s he won’t insult anybody, in person or out. Believe me.

(if any of that sounded sarcastic, don’t worry. Hey, if it’s good enough for the President)


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